Sometimes I can't believe it. She's been gone for over a year now. I'm still here. Guru died. It just seems unreal. It didn't really happen. She didn't really get cancer at age 15.

Sometimes I go to the park where she used to play basketball and just look at the pictures of her up on the wall. On my shelf at home a have a bottle of Tylonal that she asked me to hold in my purse for her one day. I’ve never touched it since.

No one gets cancer at 15. I'm not actually here breathing right now, am I? How did that happen and how am I still here? How did I get here? How the hell did I get here?

Take me home? Please just do it.