Helena?

Im just so done with this. Im so done with being scared. Im so done with being nervous. Im so done with being unsure. Im so done with feeling like Im lesser. Im so done with not thinking that I will ever win something or that I will ever do better in something than someone else. Im so done with my self and with my attitude and with my feeling of failure. Im so done with not being the person who I want to be. And who the hell is going to stop me from being that person? I keep stopping me. For some reason that only God knows. I keep starting and I don't know how to start. Changing. But I think Im heading in the right direction. And crying always helps. And for some reason I feel like God helps. And that other person that Im not going to name because I dont want her to be embarrassed. And she helps because I can be so so open with her about everything and everyone and she is a fiery red goddess who makes me a good type of happy that I need. The good type of happy like the sun. It just shines. And its nice. And I like it. And I want it. And I will have it. I hope. I think. I know. I hope. I AHH.