Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Daily Puzzle 1

So I'm Going to start doing this thing. Where every day (in theory.. but probably wont end up happening) I'm going to post a logic puzzle, and at the end of the week (every saturday or sunday) I will post the answers. I'm going to start with easier ones, and progressively work my way to the harder ones. See if you guys can figure them out!

Todays puzzle:
A man called his wife from the office to say that he would be home at around eight o'clock. He got in at two minutes past eight. His wife was extremely angry at his late arrival. Why?

She was angry because he was late. They had no particular appointment at eight o'clock.

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Low key obsession.....?

I love phoebes Grumble Grumble.

grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.grumble grumble.

The Smile

There are so many times when I feel like I'm actually clinically insane. And its frightening. To think that you are actually crazy. But yet again, I don't think that it is ever possible to be completely sane, and if so, then what is the fun in it? No one is actually sane, and those who are are boring. Life is boring with out a little twist. But sometimes I feel like I'm given too much of one. Life can just be so complicated. I don't understand sometimes. How things can change people. I see it happen all the time. I mean, we all start as nieve (fuck spelling) babies with blank slates, and somehow all end up in completely different places. I'm not afraid of my mind. It's just full of surprises. I never quite know what to expect. The mind is such a scary thing. Take for example, people with multiple personality disorder. Or bipolar, or people who are distructive to themselves. 

I dont know. 

But I do know that I have a body. And that it functions well, and therefore fulfills its purpose as a body. It doesnt matter what it looks like! Its a body! It keeps my blood pumping, and my food digested, and thats all that matters! Bodies are beautiful but beauty is not the purpose of the human body. So be thankful that you at least have a functioning body! Its simply insane

And so am I

See you on the other side

(I have no idea what that means. It actually sounds kind of creepy. But seeing as Im insane,... I dont really care.)

I see funny pictures

La la la la la. Im so bored on spring break. I just might have cabin fever, or maybe even jungle fever not really. ahhahahaha. (not really). Drama ensemble letters are stressful for waiting for so is the knowlegde of waiting for the moving. I feel like I am high but I know that I'm not. lalalalla. Things are not right inside of my head yes and Im not sure how to make things better because things are the way that they are and for anyone who can actually make sense of this post i give them applause. wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. phebus gets applause. the crowd goes simply wild. Did phoebe slip me something maybe? I think so. lalalala. IGNORE THIS POST. IGNORE ME. 

I will see you all after the insanity wears off. (I dont ever think it will).

Just typing

type. type. type. type. type. type. type. type.type. type. type. type. type. type. type. type.type. type. type. type. type. type. type. type.type. type. type. type. type. type. type. type.type. type. type. type. type. type. type. type.type. type. type. type. type. type. type. type.

Saturday, March 27, 2010


I find it hilarious that things can go from being so good, to so bad, in a simple matter of seconds.


It's just so nice. It's just so so nice. I'm off school. Im sitting upright on my bed, listening to rilo kiley, drinking iced tea, with my windows open so it feels like my room is outside. And i got dressed an hour ago, at 6:30 PM. And all i did was throw on a summer dress that doesnt matter, because i dont care, and im not even wearing a bra. Im just in this light airy dress, with my hair all down and wild, barefoot, and just open. And it feels so nice, because Im sitting here actually reading. I am reading. for pleasure. And its just so so nice. And im not scared. Im actually excited for life and for things! I actually have things to look forward to, with out any dread! And this is why i love spring. The carelessness the growth the everything. rilo kiley. its all just perfect right now. my life is perfect right now. so perfect. And between yesterday and today, I actually had time to have heart to hearts with all four of my best friends for over an hour. First the whole night with steph, the whole school day and a half an hour long phone call with skye, a three hour long video chat with phoebe, and an hour long vid chat with izze. And yesterday was so amazing. Just XD, no matter how much bauer hated our piece, it was so much fun, and skipping all over school with skye, and rocking out with our hair, and playing basket ball with doug for a whole 45 minutes. even though i hate basket ball usually, this was so amazing. and doug taught us all this amazing stuff and hes so awesome. And it was amazing weather, just like now, with me and my light airy dress. and i am finally at calm. i am happy. im happy. completely and uterlly (spelling can go die in a whole) happy. life is good at this exact moment in time. And I am so excited for college tour. its going to be amazing and kick ass, and i have skye and jackie in my room, and i will be so happy. my life is amazing right now, for almost the first time since Guru died. I am COMPLETELY happy. There are just so many things to look forward to. So many good things to come. I'm actually enjoying myself. And I love it. I can finally just be at peace, and just... be. Im so happy. And Rilo Kiley is amazing, and helps so much. For some amazing godly reason. Thank you for existing. And thank you universe for letting me exist. 

And just as an update, parents are 80% sure that were staying. They just need to "finalize the decision" Stupid. My dad made up his mind. He told my mom to tell me we were staying. But my mom was like... "we have to finalize it, so its only 80% sure. stupid. Better than before though. My dad doesnt want to move and take me away. I can stay. With skye and phoebes and Ms. Bauer and Doug and izze and here on my bed with my iced tea and Northanger Abby, and I can stay happy here. And it will be good. And I started doing amazing at school. i was always pretty good. But this quarter was my quarter! I was on fire! and i feel like i have the right to brag! and i feel like it helped with my daddy's decision. Im actually so proud of myself

Its kind of funny. I wouldn't be sad if i died right now. Because everything is finally in its place. Thats how i would want it to come to a close. Yet again. I dont believe that death is the end, but more like, "the end of the beginning". I hope that when I die, it feels like the waterfalls that we do at school, that ive only ever done two of. But when we do them. I just. Its like now, where I can just be. 

I love living life. 

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

You and I

My brain works differently then other peoples. And I read differently than other people. Other people can look at the words and absorb them. When I read, I read as if I'm reading out loud, but I do it in my head. Same like when I write. I say it aloud in my head. I don't just... think it. And when I think, its usually in words. Its so strange. And almost no one else does that. Its insane. Am I made wrong? Do I think wrong? And don't you be thinking right now that "there is no wrong way to think". Because thats a lie. There very well could be. Im phsycotic. Maybe this drama ensemble monologue really is perfect for me. Except I'm not a virgin at age thirty. Yet again... I'm not thirty yet. I hope I'm married by then. How am I supposed to cry in front of coach? How can I be Juliet and make it interesting for coach to watch. I need to be new. Not old. And I have to be real. Not fake. How am I supposed to be real when I havn't lost a Romeo. I need so many answers. How does acting work. How is it real and fresh. Because it can be real. Its not pretend. Its not just words. Its real. Its realer than life itself when done right. And I want to do it right. 

Friday, March 5, 2010

Ask Away

Yes. I've crossed over to the dark side. 
.... Well.. they did have cookies:

Thursday, March 4, 2010

oh sweet relief.....


Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Procrastination Runs in the Family

My parents. Oh my goodness my parents. They just can't make a decision. My dad just keeps needing one more day? One more day. one more day. (if anyone else is thinking of les mis right now they get extra brownie points). All I know is that I love my family so much, I love my daddy so much, I love my home so much, I love my school so much, I love my friends so much, I love Ms. Bauer so much (and yes I put her up on a pedestal! of course! she is ms bauer for crying out loud). I don't think I could ever live with out bauer as my drama teacher (that will happen someday though). I love my people so much (my skye my phoebe my jamie my therine my nette my newbs) I just cant even see myself, I just cant even imagine. (thats a lie. i can imagine it) but i dont want it. I just want a home. Just one city I can call home. I lived in st louis from 0-9, now LA from 9-16 and then what another place from when im 16-18? then college from 18-22 the grad school from 22- how ever long gradschool lasts? I dont stay in one place. I have no city that is "where I grew up" or my "hometown". Everyone I know has always lived in one city. Skrew the world of medical research.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010


I feel like my dad is really annoyed with me. I dont really know why. Hes been out of town all week, but hes home now, which is good. Well, its good besides the fact that now that hes home my parents will be making almost the biggest decision ever within the next few days. I just kind of dont want it ever to be made, because that way I never have to find out what is going to happen, and I can live happily and nievely (however you spell that). And I'm doing so well in math and bio right now. I just dont want to screw it up. And I don't want to screw up my history grade with this project. I just want to get into college. A college that is first rate and nice and good for me and to me. I don't know. Maybe part of my journey is leaving. And if I do leave, everything will just be so weird for me. I dont know how to live there. I dont know physically how. 

Sometimes I just really wish that this blog was anonymous because then I could say whatever I wanted to and it wouldnt matter. No one would care and it would be just a blog that no one read except for me, and random people who were interested enough to read it. And then I could throw myself up all over this blog and no one would care or give me sympathy that I dont want. 

Its so weird. Everyone is obsessed with Julia's death. And thats great that she had so many people who love her. But I mean, so many people are obsessed with it. People who didnt know her at all, which is still nice. I mean I feel so sad for her family, but everyone keeps saying, "oh my god! im so sad she died! I met her only once at a party, but she seemed nice ! i cried all last night even though ive only met her once!" The thing that these people dont realize is that it happens every day. And Julia didnt even get the worst rap. Some people get cancer or AIDS, and basically have a death sentence. People watched Julia die, with out the chance to say goodbye, which must have been horrible, but imagine watching for a whole three months, or a whole year. Watching someone you love die infront of your eyes, and you cant stop it. The ONLY thing you can do is say goodbye. You slowly watch them go from living a normal life, to going to the hospital, to getting put into the ICU, to getting a respirator because they cant breathe on their own, to not even being able to stay awake anymore, to being dead. And youve lost them. No one gets that this happens every day, and theyre so sad and acting so distressed when they didnt even know her. Imagine losing one of your best friends. 5 months later and youre still a wreck.

Last night I woke up at about midnight. Because I just couldn't believe that Guru died. She died. She died? she died. The word has lost all meaning. Just a second ago, she was standing up, and walking, and being, and now shes just not? I dont get it. I dont understand the logic behind it. It doesnt make sense. I dont understand. I just dont get it. And its so hard, because ive been coping with this for months, and these random eighth graders at my school are throwing hissy fits because of Julia when the ADMIT theyve only SEEN her once in their entire lives. It just pisses me off so much, when it shouldnt. Because Julia's death was a sad affair. I never knew of her until a few days ago, but it was sad. But its just not. ok with me what theyre doing. Every day is someones death day. Every event that ever occurs is just as happy as it is sad. They just dont get it.