Sunday, February 28, 2010


Everything ever just needs to go jump off of a cliff, and disappear into a little ball of nothing. Because that way I have nothing to worry about! And nothing on my mind, and nothing keeping me up at night, and no parasites living in my stomach that just make me want to hurl all day long. Everything just needs to disappear for a little while. Because I cant think or feel through the loud mess that is my life. And if everything could disappear, for just one tiny millisecond. Then I could too. And then maybe, just maybe, I would find the time to runaway to a little corner in the middle of nowhere, and just sit down and be.

Monday, February 22, 2010

I'm not quite sure what to call it. So..... you can choose?

I have no idea what to write my drama ensemble essay on. I kind of just want to write it on how i have no idea what to write about. The two quotes are the exact same plus or minus a few words. And I have no idea what I am going to do about it............. monologue party anyone?

And as much as i love ms. sjoberg, i kind of want her to jump off a cliff.

For the warm up circle. I always get really frustrated because we ALWAYS do the ABC thing. which then takes over our tempo and our experimentation and our duration. and i always try to go longer or faster or just not do them. but everrrrryyyyoneeeee else does. which is so frustrating. just like with the "HO"s. always the same tempo. can we not play???? i dont want everrry dayyy to be the same. one day i should just go up to bauer and say: i dont want to do the warm up circle today. sorry. its part of my work. but i dont have the guts to. i just realized that i gave her the link to this. and thats alright. its a risk that im taking. so what. let it be. i dont think she reads this much. thats ok. shes a busy woman. I feel strange blogging about her now. i think im going to stopppp.

today everything came out in the open. for better or for worse im not sure. it was weird though. not good or bad. just weird. i dont think anyone really knows what to think of it. at all. thats ok too. possibly. i just hope nothing else erupts from it. theres already been too much going on for my taste. hopefully the worst part is over. and we can move on. to drama ensemble auditions. and evil mr. gwaltney. who can probably easily access this blog. but that would just be weird. hes only evil because his project is due the same day as drama ensemble packets are due. scary. that would be really weird if he was reading this. but he shares my google docs... and can access this page from my google profile i think...... not a good idea. but only therine would be such a stalker. i hope. i should really go finish kiffe kiffe demain. that needs to happen now. immediately. ok. this was an... interesting post.......

Sunday, February 14, 2010

The Imagination of Connor Reed: Chapter 1

1.  Amelia



         The coolest day of summer is always the last one. In my case, this meant that tomorrow I would be shipped off to London in order to begin dancing with the London Ballet. My parents have put me through dance school since the day I turned five, and I have been training ever since. My parent’s dream is for me to one day join the Kirov Ballet in Russia, and become a world-renowned dancer. I suppose it is my dream as well, though they seem to go about fulfilling it much more enthusiastically than I do. They say that one day I will thank them for pushing me so far. I am not entirely sure how true that statement will end up being.


My family lives in a little village in western Ireland. My mother, father, and I have lived in a small cottage there for as long as I remember; we moved there three days after I was born. We were never rich, and my father was constantly working in order to keep food on our table. Sometimes I could not help but think that the only reason he wanted me to pursue my dancing was because it had the potential to one day make us rich. My father was not a selfish man, though sometimes he could be perceived as a man of questionable morals. Deep down somewhere inside of me, I knew that he truly cared, but that part of me was buried down so deeply, that it often got lost in jumble that was my heart.


At this moment in time, all of this was irrelevant except for the fact that I would be leaving my lifelong home tomorrow, and had no knowledge as to when I was to return. My meager wardrobe had been emptied into my aunt Christine’s old trunk earlier that morning, and along with my ballet bag, was sitting at the foot of my bed in anticipation for the dreadful day that tomorrow was destined to be.


“Amelia!” I was startled to the point where upon hearing my Mother’s voice I jumped two feet off of the ground. I was sitting on the brick stairs that led up to the back of our house. We seldom used them, and I simply loved the feeling of the cool stone against my body. I often came here to think, rest after a long day at the studio, or if I simply needed a quiet place to sit. Being completely absorbed in my thoughts, as I usually am, I hadn’t noticed when my Mother had walked outside and discovered my hiding place. “Amelia! Are you alright?” She was constantly worrying about me for reasons that she, alone, understood. “Yes Mother, I’m quite alright”, I responded. “Oh Amelia, please don’t use that sarcastic tone with me. One second I am with out a clue as to where you are, and the next I see you jump two feet into the air! What was I supposed to do?” Ah. Typical Mother. “I was just … thinking Mama, that was all.” And it was true. For the past week all that I had been able to do was think about how my life had changed so fast, and how I had failed to keep up with it. She sighed. “We’ve discussed this Amelia. You have to stop spending so much time simply ‘thinking’ while there is so much work to be done.” She exhaled in an attempt to calm her nerves. “Now that I’ve found you, come help me with lunch. I have more work to do than I can handle.” Lunch. I had forgotten all about the goodbye party that my mother had planned for me. She had wanted to host a dinner party, but I had insisted on lunch. I intended on spending the entirety of my last night in Ireland with my steady Gregory, and was not, under any circumstances, willing to give my last night with him up for a dinner party. Thus, we decided on lunch. My mother had planned a rather big affair and invited nearly everyone I have ever met, along with an infinite amount of people I haven’t met. I could tell she was putting nearly all of her energy into this event, and I felt that it was my duty to help her. “Please Amelia? I could really use your help.” I inhaled deeply, then sighed. My thoughts would just have to wait. “Sure Mama. Just tell me what you need me to do.”


Hey Guys. 

So. I've kind of maybe sort of been writing a book? and its potentially really bad. but its really fun to write, and the chapters are pretttty short. So I'll be gradually posting chapters. This is all rough material. Tell me what you think! I know that alot of you who read this dont have a blog of your own, so if you have any suggestions you can email me at , or if you do have a blog you can just comment on the post.


.........? ( I dont care.)

What are you supposed to do when a family member is anorexic...? There isn't anything you can do. And ive just tried so hard. And its not even worth it anymore. thats a lie. it is worth it. but like. there.... isnt any way to fix it. it just has to heal by itself i guess. i have no clue in hell why im typing this right now. but thats ok. story of my life... and of my drama journal. And im just really bored. right now. and feel weird. as usual. because of this amazing hell of an adventure that is my life. I just dont want to end up like i think most people know (deep down) who im talking about. (subconciously at least). Just like. with. Skye. at the party. i knew. (kind of) who she was talking about. Well I dont want to end up like my person because she isnt going to college next year (most likely) and she is friends with really setchy people. and its weird. and i know i wont be like that. but dont want to ever fail really. 

Right now i kind of just want to be like: Hey Ms. Bauer... can my blog substitue for my drama journal?

But no. i love my journal. and i keep rambling. which is fine. because its my blog anyways. and i dont have any energy. or enough to be poetic. which i dont feel like being. because it can end up being sappy crap so easily with me. which is fine again. because its my blog. once again. I really dislike little grey and alex karev. And I really want indian food because my neighbors are eating some next door and i can smell it. and its torturing me. and they are evil and they know it. And my cousins leaving the states in like.. 3 days. which is really sad. really really sad. and ill really really miss her. and I really dont want to turn my college tour form in. even though it was due on friday. and i just dont want the end of the month to come. i just want it to be summer. when i can wear summer clothes. and do summer things. and im tired. bye.

That 70s Show Marathon Anyone?

I am sort of in love with Topher Grace.... because he is just so funny. And got kind of hot once he grew up. And he kind of makes my day. Every day. and makes my life. just so much better. And so does Ashton Kutcher.... My life is so sad. 

Greys Anatomy......

1. WHY THE HELL DID LITTLE GREY GO BLOND? She's not gorgeous anymore!

2. I sort of love how in Valentines Day the movie Patrick Dempsey is a doctor in the movie.. and on Greys....

3. I like little grey with sloan. she needs to stay with him. and not Karev. 

4. Something good needs to happen between Yang and Hunt.

5. When Yand and Hunt kiss, it looks like they're eating eachothers faces......... literally.

I Don't Care Enough To Think Of a Title

So. When I was little. well. not that little. like. 5 years ago? I read this book called Saffy's Angle. And I know that it was a real book. I'm not imagining it. But I can't find it anywhere in my house and I KNOW that I read it. And most people would have just said it was ok. or whatever. but it wasnt. it was amazing. because saffy had her stone angle. I dont know why. but for some reason I just really want that book back. But there are sooo many books that I want back. Like Harry Potter 3. which my dad tore up and recycled because he was so mad that we were only reading it and nothing else. He threw the fifth in the recycling too. But i fished it out later. 

Tuesday, February 2, 2010

The Living Hell That Is My Life.....

1. March First Is The Day My Life As I Know It Will End

2. February tenth is the day that I will begin to self destruct in preparation for march first.
3. Early next week is when the depression and the nerves will kick in.
4. February 26th is the day that my future will be put into an envelope.
5. ....... I really don't want to finish this list. Its depressing me.