I'm having such a hard time and I can't tell a soul. I feel that doing so would betray my family. It's so hard and I'm so scared and I just want to cry and disappear. I just want to go back to when things were good, when everything was ok. When I was a child and I wasn't old enough to understand these things. I would take naivety over this knowledge any day. I feel so helpless, yet so responsible. I feel like both the victim and the tyrant. I would rather feel nothing at all and to go on leading an oblivious existence. But the thing is... that I can't escape. I never will be able to escape. Everything will always follow me around for the rest of my life. There is no such thing as running away from anything. It's just an idiotic trick we play on ourselves. I'm having such a difficult time. I just want.. I just want to.. I just...
Nothing.
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